I Am A Bad Leo

I disagree with the position of the stars when I was born. 

My Sun sign is Leo, and I'm nothing like a Leo. Let me break it down for y'all. I've gathered some Leo characteristics from various 'reliable' sources on the Internet (not Wikipedia, ha! Such scientificism) and I'll go through them saying why I'm not like that.

• Leo is full of energy and vigor. Come on, if I could stay in bed all day I gladly would. 
• Leo's 'planet' is the Sun. I hope the Sun explodes and kills us all (I hate it). It is so bright and hot, and because I'm as pale as a corpse I turn into a fried shrimp every time one of its glorious rays caresses my face. It's painful and annoying. 
• Leo's day is Sunday. Sunday is literally the worst day of the week because I basically spend all of my Sundays looking at time slip through my fingers like powdered sugar until Monday inevitably returns.
• Leo's color is yellow. Bright yellow makes me feel nauseous. The end.
• Leo is warm. Oh, you're showing affection to me? Oh no. No, don't hug me. I don't want any of your 'feelings' *runs away and hides behind the tombstone of a meme. Last seen on Facebook, it says*
• Leo is self-confident and attractive. Self-confidence? Is that a new normie trend ew. Attractive? Well, in kindergarden a boy said he liked me and then swapped me for another girl. Tragic.
• Leo is positive and charismatic. Three words: excessive catastrophic thinking. I also completely lack charisma, but that doesn't matter because at the end we're all going to be food for earthworms.
• Leo is cheerful and sunny. 'We're all going to be food for earthworms.' 
• Leo loves attention. Excuse me while I puke because two people read my entry and one commented.
• Leo is a natural-born leader. Group projects are hell.
• Leo is outgoing. Dude, my head hurts after every. single. social situation.

Of course there are other characteristics I do think I have, but people purposely make zodiac sign characteristics broad so that everyone can relate to them. They say things like you have great passion for what you love doing. Who doesn't love what they love doing?! Astrology is fun, but I don't think it should be taken seriously. If you do believe in it, it's totally cool though.

Love, 

Nan.

Sources I consulted for this post: 1, 2, 3, and 4.