Hello, humans. Sorry for the lame title.
Today I was looking through some of my oldest emails, in other words, I had a cringefest. Oh my God. I can’t believe what I did as I child. Just looking at those emails, oh no, it makes me want to bury my head 10 feet underground.
Some examples:
-I sent my friend’s email address to another friend so they could meet and we could all hang out together.
-I asked my crush about their crush and offered to send them their crush's email address.
-I told my crush that my friend (who didn’t know them) had nicknamed them ‘little dwarf.’ Then
they started calling me ‘dumb gnome’ aww<3.
-I told that same friend who didn’t know my crush to not tell them that I liked them.
-Another crush didn’t answer my messages on Facebook so I sent him an email complaining.
I’ll stop before I throw up. I shouldn't be allowed to go outside or partake in any human interaction whatsoever. Oh, dear. The only comfort I have is that hopefully, those people don’t remember any of these situations. If I didn’t even remember them, how could they, right? Haha *sweating*.
However, there were also some good memories. I read some of the nice emails that I sent to my parents and friends. I also read my conversations with a person who was close to me but I can no longer talk to. I almost shed a tear reading those. I had so many mixed feelings. It’s sad that I’m not there anymore, but I’m happy that I got to live those memories, even if I didn’t appreciate them then.
Gosh, I miss those days. I didn’t overthink so much and my life was way more simple. It’s not like it is extremely complicated now; it’s just that everything was so easy back then. I could just watch TV and be on the Internet without worrying much instead of having so many feelings inside of me that it feels like I’m having my entrails crushed. I wish I could go back to 2011 and the years before that when my mind wasn’t constantly racing and I enjoyed the holidays because it actually felt like I was taking a break. Now I’m just exhausted. Well, well, time to stop now. It's getting too dark and deep haha.
What I would like you to know is that you should never take anything for granted. When I was younger I didn’t appreciate the simpleness of my life, but now I dream of going back. I don’t want you to look to the past and feel that way. That’s why you should remember that even the smallest of joys is incredibly valuable. Be grateful for those simple moments of happiness. You don’t know if a year from now you’ll be desperately gripping on the memories that you are creating now to keep going. I don’t mean to scare you because I know that you’ll be fine, but I want you to fully enjoy happy moments. That’s what gives you hope of a better tomorrow during your darkest times.
Love,
Nan.
This was very hard for me to write.
No comments:
Post a Comment